January slump

This is it. The first week I have faced that looks relatively empty. This is what I have been worrying about since before I retired; how would I feel when my time isn't full? I guess it isn't full because the outside isn't really beckoning at the moment, When the sun shines its good to get a walk but, despite the climate, gardening is on hold. I'm really hoping that we do get a cold spell soon to hold the gardens back for a bit longer. The ground is too wet to walk on but bulbs and buds are growing. If everything comes out now we are going to have very bare gardens later in the year.

 Some thoughts are turning to holidays and trips, though with such flexible time its quite hard to focus down on dates and plans. Yes we can go away a lot now but when is it best to go? Should it be the Northern Lights or long summer days in Norway? Just where and when should we be in Scotland? Oh yes, we want to go to Berlin, but I also want to go back to Austria; and we musn't fly too much because of the environmental impact. Its the old problem that besets us in the "first world" of too much choice.

I know we will get organised eventually. In the meantime I should, and do, appreciate time to read more, potter about the house, watch the various TV series we are currently hooked into. It just all feels a bit quiet and not what I'm used to.

Almost a whole month has gone by since I posted anything here. And I can't say its because I have been busier. Or can I?  The weather has taken a definite downward turn, so the garden and the allotment are definitely in the background at the moment. Tho' 10 or so bags of weeds do keep calling me to move them.

Just what have I been up to in the last 4 weeks? I thought it might be interesting to make a list and then review,  whether in my view, it is enough activity- or not!

2 sessions in Elizabeth Gaskell's garden- planting bulbs and clearing leaves.
4 full days in the house- running the tea room and room-stewarding. Last week, 8 members of my reading group came for a visit, so I showed them round and entertained them to tea and cake. When Elizabeth Gaskell moved in to Plymouth Grove, she said she wanted the house to give pleasure to others.  That spirit seems to be being revived satisfactorily.

In the interests of increasing my knowledge I attended a showing of Gaskell manuscripts at John Rylands library. As always, on these occasions, the knowledge of other Gaskell Society members put me to shame. I wonder if I will ever be as expert? Not without reading alot more I won't!

And finally on the Gaskell-front I put in an extra helping session at a visit by the Lancs & Cheshire Antiquarian Society last Saturday. Helping was minimal, so I was able to sit in  on a couple of talks. This is the great side of volunteering- it is, at its best, mutually beneficial. I get to gradually learn more about a writer that I am interested in- and at the same time can help others to discover her as well.

Has there been anything else? Well, our local independent cinema has recently reopened and needed to be visited. In the last month I have been twice, to see Suffragette and a collection of archive footage of the suffragettes and their context- odd little film that! I missed both Hamlet and A Winter's Tale for different reasons- will have to learn to book up in advance as the venue is proving very popular.

2 outings with "old" library friends i.e. good friends as opposed to aged ones. Once in my current favourite cafe Sugar Junction, once to new Tapas Restaurant Lunya- both v enjoyable. Also a lovely meal out locallywith good friends, ostensibly for my birthday which was months ago. That really is the birthday over and done with now!

We went to Leeds to visit the son and heir and attended a concert by the Hepton Singers in Chetham's Baronial Hall which was lovely. Last Sunday we had our occasional Christmas outing to Little Moreton Hall- always a lovely place to go at Christmas time (or any other). I can recommend their cafe highly. Expensive of course, unless you are National Trust Members

And otherwise- shopping ! Visiting Mum, starting to write Christmas Cards, reading (am just getting stuck into Purity by Jonathan Franzen)- and a tiny-weeny bit of housework.

I'm glad I've written all that down.It looks like quite a lot of activity and a pretty sociable month too. One of the anxieties about finishing work is  that one might get cut off from other people, That doesn't  seem to be something I need to worry about at the moment.

I think a new year resolution will be taken about another volunteering role -more on that later. In the meantime- time to get festive!

Not sleeping

So here I am, 3 am again and not able to sleep. Second time this week that this has happened and I can't think why. I've been doing all the things that usually work- not using my laptop or phone for several hours before bed, going up at a fixed time, reading, thinking about my "favourite" place, eating a piece of toast (no butter!) last thing. So I'm up- drinking hot chocolate and trying to distract my brain.At least I can be sure that its not work that is on my mind!

Only a handful of people came to Elizabeth Gaskell's House today. Looks as if the wind down (or should that be the build up?) to Christmas has begun. Last Thursday was very busy but today was the opposite. Visitors are almost always very interested to ask questions and hear more about both the restoration of the house as well as Elizabeth Gaskell herself. Ifind it very enjoyable trying to bring a little of the character we think we know  about, to life for people who have taken the time to seek out her house.I'm always conscious though, that other volunteers know far more than I do and seem much better at remembering dates. Maybe that's how I should get to sleep- reciting lists of dates to myself?

This week we have been trying to think of ways in which we can encourage people to vote for Elizabeth Gaskell in the "woman of Manchester" statue ballot

http://www.womanchesterstatue.org/vote/http://www.womanchesterstatue.org/vote/

 I am trying to articulate something about the length of time that she has been a "champion" for the city- she wrote about it in her lifetime, brought the conditions of the poor in Manchester to the attention of the reading public and her work has lasted and continues to be read today. Perhaps she has represented Manchester over a longer time span than any of the other candidates? More research to be done.

One October weekend

Yesterday I went to Rochdale's festival of Literature and Ideas. I heard Bonnie Greer speak about the Brontes but also more broadly about the value of reading, especially the classics. She owes her own education and many values and attitudes to her father and compared this upbringing  with Patrick Bronte's influence over his children. 

Great to see so many people there on a Saturday early afternoon. The audience included many young women who I'm sure went away inspired.

After a break something completely different. Dom Joly, best known for Trigger Happy TV. I was never a big fan of that programme as I have never liked seeing people being hoaxed- and always been over-anxious that it would happen to me. But hearing him talk about some of the stunts from his perspective was truly entertaining. While the unacknowledged costs of some filming caused an intake of breath, he is certainly someone with an imagination and able to describe  his experiences vividly. The audience of fans went away from this very happy I'm pretty sure and I was definitely won over.

Back to Manchester for my favourite curry in a familiar and relaxing restaurant, ended a lovely day.

Today Sunday and an extra hour to come round slowly before heading for the allotment and some fresh air.

In the afternoon , unusually, we headed off by bike to the Whitworth Art Gallery to attend a Manchester Literature Festival event. This was a discussion between novelist Sarah Hall and environmentalist and politico George Monbiot who I have long admired, since reading that he had covered 4 allotments with fruit trees.

His particular passion at the moment is the idea of "re-wilding", that is re-introducing species to wilder parts of Britain which he believes will restore the ecology and bring about environmental benefit. Sarah Hall's most recent novel, The Wolf Border, also deals with this topic. Their discussion was interesting but what particularly came through from George especially, was the notion that rewilding is about more than just  physical change to the landscape.It is also an attitude of mind and he believes that we need to recapture the wildness deep within ourselves to free our imaginations and creativity. I like this notion.

Regrettably, that's all the "book" events for this year I think. But after even only a few, I know there is a pile of books I have been inspired to read over the winter months. 

What a good weekend- and I haven't mentioned the friends met, the banter on the tram to Rochdale, the allotment discussions and the energising impact of fitting a cycle ride into this as well.                  

Amongst Women

Reading Group Day again. This month's read was Amongst Women by John McGahern. Hurrah for a short novel for once.
Though short (almost too short perhaps) there was a great sense of atmosphere and claustraphobia lingering throughout this book. We all appreciated its power  and quality, even though to a woman, we all disliked Moran, the controlling man at the centre. Interestingly the 2 men in the group kept very quiet on this one.

Apologies that I've been a bit quiet recently- just too much going on. I've been at Elizabeth Gaskell's House - including sweeping leaves in the garden- a very satisfying activity- which does oneself  good at the same time as the lawn, as well as creating good soil improver for next year. A "victorian" sentiment on my part I suspect.

Manchester Literature Festivall has begun and I've already been to see two fabulous women writers. Jane Smiley, author of A Thousand Acres ( inspired by King Lear) and who has just completed The Last Hundred Years trilogy; a history of the USA through the eyes of a family rooted in farming in Iowa. I have just finished the first part 1920-1953 and am hooked- can't wait to get on to the next volume which will from now on be set in my lifetime.

Last night I wwent to hear Patricia Duncker talk about her novel Sophie and the Sibyl which I have also read and is based around the character of George Eliot at the end of her life. Another absorbing read. My admiration for both these writers is huge- they are both knowledgeable and creative, able to spin  stories from all they have read and learned, as well as talk about them in humorous and engaging ways.

I'm just beginning to appreciate having a bit more reading time again and as the weather gets colder I'm sure I'll be enjoying even more of this.

Variety is...

Today was a good example of what being retired is all about.

Despite a gloomy  forecast, the weather was good when I got up so I decided to go to the allotment. Over-wintering onions needed planting and there is a lot of weeding needing to be done.

I went up on the bike and the sun was bright. It crossed my mind on the way that formerly this would have been a working da, y which seemed to add to the pleasure of being out in the fresh air.

A couple of hours later and I was home again with fresh sweetcorn and cooking apples for cooking later.

A qiick change then into Manchester by train and a walk down to Cross Street Chapel for my first Gaskell Society meeting. Around 30 people were present, a handfulof whom I recognised from my stints at Plymouth Grove. There was a friendly feel, even though most people had someone specific to meet up with.

I listened to a talk on 19th Century philanthropy in Manchester. given by a retired History Professor, Michael Rose. Inevitably the talk was stronger on historical fact than literary allusion, but the speaker had done his best to bring in Gaskell references as much as possible. It taught me things I didn't know before,  such as about the foundation of The Manchester Statistical Society in 1833 which under-pinned most of the Social charities which came later.

After this hour of education, a quick trip to the shops felt luxurious. The shops were quiet following the lunchtime rush and relatively my time was open-ended.  One thing I have learnt since retiring is that it is possible to spend quite a lot of money because I now have more time to spend it in!

So with an unplanned skirt and top purchased, I returned home to do lots of domestic things- cook, read the paper, talk to a few people on social media. What is there not to like about this new lifestyle!

One month in

I have already been retired for a month. It has flown by and so far I have been very busy though of course it has included a week away in Austria, which not every month will.

Last night I went to someone else's retirement do, which gave me reason to reflect. Several people asked how I was finding it and of course I said it is wonderful, which it is. I said that I wake up in the morning and choose what to do from  all the things that I like doing!

Then I started to wonder if this is really true. So far I haven't had a day that isn't already planned out- with things I have decided to do, or know I need to do,  e.g.  dentist or opticians, buying curtains, allotment, garden, Elizabeth Gaskell's House, visiting mother, seeing friends etc etc. Yesterday I had to remind myself that I actually do need to do a bit of housework from time to time.

So a sense of freedom hasn't really arrived yet. Its more like a new beginning- a chance to do things that I want to do, without feeling that they are squeezed into a few spare moments. I think this is what I have been waiting for all  my life. The chance to think about what I really want to do without feeling pressured by responsibilities or  the need to earn money.

Anyone who knows me,  will know that I spent 5 years really caring for my mother at all times when I wasn't at work. Unfortunately her dementia is now at a stage where she doesn't really seem to know if I visit or not and is often asleep when I do. While this is sad and often upsetting, it does mean that the burden of feeling the need to visit very frequently and for lengthy periods  has lifted, just at the time when I actually have more time available. So I guess this is why I am perhaps feeling doubly liberated.

Yes,  I am now free to make endless choices about how to occupy myself and seem to have no difficulty doing that. I need to find more time somehow to do more things, chiefly reading and remembering to talk to my husband!

The hard bit for me I think is  adjusting to having a diary that isn't full; that leaves some days empty for spontaneous activity; that does make it possible to watch the weather forecast and decide to go out somewhere because its going to be fair. That does indeed mean that I can wake up and only then decide what I am going to do with the day.